To Vaccinate or Not To Vaccinate, That is the Question

I couldn’t decide whether or not I wanted to vaccinate my 2 year old against the seasonal flu or H1N1. I’d heard rumblings in the media and blogosphere that the H1N1 vaccine was unsafe…people were suffering side effects…it’s too new. I started thinking about all the people that put their child on a delayed vaccination schedule to avoid them getting too much medicine pumped into their system at once and wondered if they were doing the right thing. I wondered if the flu vaccine was really necessary. It made me consider not having my son receive either flu vaccine.


Then I started hearing how H1N1 is hitting children particularly hard and that many of the people dying from this strain of flu have pre-existing medical conditions. My son has a heart defect among other things, so I was scared not to vaccinate him, but I was also scared to vaccinate him. I consulted with coworkers, the Internet, and a friend that works at the CDC and oddly enough Facebook helped me decide.

A Facebook friend asked if anybody was getting their children vaccinated. All of the responders said no, but one naysayer also made a good point. The flu vaccine is new every year. Every year doctors have to anticipate which strain of flu will hit and create the vaccine around that. The only reason H1N1 wasn’t included in the seasonal flu vaccine this year was because it presented too late. A work colleague pointed out that until someone could provide a story of a child suffering from horrific side effects from the vaccine that would compare to that of a child going from having the sniffles to being on life support; she was going to lean toward vaccination.

In the end, because of a well-timed e-mail from our pediatrician’s office saying they were giving out the H1N1 vaccine at their next flu clinic, we decided giving the vaccine was less dangerous for our child than not. He and my husband waited in line for one and a half hours at the end of a five-hour flu shot clinic. (They got there at the very beginning and the line was already very long. People were parking a mile away.) Two injections in the leg and a Band-Aid later, we’re keeping our fingers crossed that we made the right choice.

--Green Mom

Child Care, Babysitting, Favors: What’s the difference?

By now you must be aware of the case of Lisa Snyder, the Michigan woman who has been called on the carpet by Michigan’s Department of Human Services for running an unlicensed child care because she has been watching three of her neighbors’ children, helping them get on the school bus so that those children’s parents can go to work. Absurd? Well, I saw a TV interview with Lisa Snyder last night, and personally, I have my doubts that she was not accepting money from these neighbors. She just didn’t quite seem credible to me on that point. Of course, she couldn’t admit that she was taking money, because if that were the case, she’d be in double trouble, as she is undoubtedly not reporting the income. In my mind, once you and others are paying someone to regularly care for your children, that’s fair game for the licensing department to look into. But let’s suspend my skepticism for a moment and believe that there was no financial arrangement involved. Where do we draw the line?

Surely states need to protect the best interests of children, but surely they also need to let communities be communities. I don’t think “it takes a village to raise a child” anticipated a major bureaucracy to manage the process. I just look out my window in the morning, and I see parents taking turns walking a group of neighborhood children to the elementary school down the road. I don’t think any of us expect child services to keep an eye on that. And what if it’s the same parent walking those children to school every day because she is a SAHM or WAHM and her neighbors return the favor in other ways – maybe one shovels all the sidewalks when it snows and another organizes the biannual block party? What about the woman who, as a favor and out of the goodness of her heart, regularly watches her friend’s child after school while the mom goes through prolonged medical treatment, or is trying to figure out life as a newly single parent, or is caring for her aging parents? Surely reasonable people can support good strong licensing rules for child care centers and at the same time keep it out of our personal relationships.

-- News Mom

Tubes

After what seems like 100 ear infections and 3 different antibiotics in 2 years, we’ve just scheduled a date for my son to get tubes in his ears. He’s had a host of tests done for other medical issues, but never a surgery. Can anyone offer any insight?

Thanks,
Green Mom

Extreme Makeover – Lunchbox Edition

For the first year and a half of my daughter’s eating career, I prided myself on her broad palate of (mostly) healthy food choices. Making her lunch was an adventure in “what cool thing can I pack that’ll boost her up the food pyramid chart for the day.” Veggie-packed frittatas, Hummus, Avocado, Bean and Veggie Quesadillas, Pasta with Beets and Zucchini, and on and on. It was easy for me to accept her “snub my nose at dinner” attitude given her nutrition-packed lunch. As a health educator, I dreaded what I knew was coming. At about age 2 when children’s growth spurt slows is when picky eating behavior starts to rear its ugly nose.

And it happened. About a month after starting a new daycare the daily notes with the glaring “Did Not Eat” checks next to the lunch line came. Day after day, I sent her favorites – veggie burgers, spinach pizza – with the same results. DID…NOT…EAT. I kept trying and finally hit the jackpot with the single thing she would eat – hallelujah! - sunflower seed butter and fruit jam on whole wheat. Since I wasn’t there to encourage her eating and “tasting”, I easily got snagged in that working mom trap. I started sending the same lunch every day only mixing up the fruit to go along with her new favorite sandwich. Soon after, I learned that her new best friend was also a sandwich-only girl. I knew I had lost the battle. Not even a supermom can compete with a girl’s first best friend! But she can try.

This month, I’m calling in Ty and the team from Extreme Makeover to knock down this crumbling structure and to help build a more solid foundation. Well, at the least, I’m going to start slowly mixing up her lunches. My list is below which I hope to work through one by one. Wish me luck and please send your own lunch box suggestions.

• Hummus on whole grain bread or tortilla with cucumbers, shredded carrots, and/or spinach
• Low fat cream cheese on tortilla with cucumbers, shredded carrots, etc...
• Bagel puppets: whole wheat bagels spread with cream cheese and decorated with veggies
• Minestrone, lentil or vegetable soup
• Veggie sticks or kebobs with dip (hummus, bean dip, baba ghanouj)
• Burritos with veggies and cheese
• Quesadillas with roasted veggies and cheese
• Funny Face pizza
• Egg pizza (frittata cut in wedges)
• Veggie burgers

--Cooking Mom

Toddler Car Seats

I just came across this article. I had no idea that the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) had changed their recommendation on rear-facing car seats so I thought I’d pass along the info.

--Green Mom

When Does Nude Become Crude?

I read this article about the single mom of an 8-year-old and 5-year-old girl who has found enough comfort in her own body that she doesn’t cover up her naked parts in their all-female household.

I was blown away by some of the online comments that chastised her as no better than a porn star. If a mother shouldn’t be nude in front of her own daughters, then why should her daughters be comfortable changing in the school locker room or the local pool or at the doctor’s office? And if your child is 2, for instance, is it ok to change her into a bathing suit in full public view? I’ve done it 100 times and never thought twice about it. Does it make a difference if she’s wearing a diaper or is already potty trained? What about the dozens of boys and girls I’ve seen stripped to their underwear frolicking in the public sprinkler park – some as old as 5 or 6? Just this weekend my daughter insisted on taking off her wet shirt “just like Daddy” after getting splashed by an amusement park ride. Was that out of bounds, and at what age would it be? I have no idea when and where it’s right to draw the line with children in the nude in public, so let’s hope that means I haven’t crossed it yet. What are your thoughts?

-- New Mom

Obsessed with Michael Jackson’s Kids

Why am I obsessed with Michael Jackson’s kids and what happens to them? Unlike many of my fellow teenagers of the ‘80s, I didn’t personally mourn Michael Jackson’s passing. He didn’t play a huge role in my pop culture life. I like some of his music and am awed by his dancing, but I don’t feel any great loss in my life now that he’s gone. As to whether he was a miscreant or just misunderstood, my opinion changes daily. So why do I find myself obsessed with what happens to his kids?

First, I actually cried when I first saw the news clip of Paris speaking at his memorial service. Since then I’ve been entranced by the beauty of his kids. And now I check several times a day to see if there’s new news about their future. Perhaps it’s just the unfathomably bizarre nature of their lives. Maybe it’s the completely incomprehensible role Deborah Rowe chose to play in the life of Michael Jackson and not in the lives of the children. Or maybe it’s that he willed guardianship to his very elderly mother or alternatively to Diana Ross despite having legions of siblings.

It’s all so strange and so foreign and so governed by extraordinary circumstances. It is all at once a soap opera, a circus, a theater show, and at the same time just three little kids’ lives, plain and simple. I feel slimy peering into their lives via TV, magazines and Web sites, and at the same time, I simply can’t stop.

-- New Mom

Crib Notes: Crowd Safety

When taking your child to a crowded place, such as an amusement park, fair, or festival, outfit them with a bright yellow Livestrong wristband (or one of the many other similar cause bracelets – many come in youth sizes) and use a permanent marker to write your cell phone number on it. If your child gets lost, event staff or police will be able to track you down easily.

Toddler Car Seats

I just came across this article. I had no idea that the AAP had changed their recommendation on rear-facing car seats so I thought I’d pass along the info.

-- Green Mom

Who Needs Sleep?

My husband and I have been walking around in a haze the past week or so. We’re having sleep issues at my house. My almost two year old has been skipping naps and/or waking up in the middle of the night or very early morning and we’ve had no luck getting him back to sleep. We’ve always felt very lucky that he taught himself to go to sleep at night and at nap time. When he was a baby, we never had to read sleep books or debate whether to let him “cry it out” or not.

Now, I’m beginning to wonder if that is all going to change. For the past week or so he’s either skipped his afternoon nap (his choice, not ours) and was a mess by 5:00 p.m., or has been up for several hours during the night. We’ve tried letting him cry and going in at intervals to calm him down, keeping him in his crib and rubbing his back, and taking him into bed with one or both of us. This has been the only thing that works…for him. When it’s my “turn” to get up with him during the night and we end up in the guest bed together, I spend the night making sure he’s not falling off or close to getting my pillow over his face. Needless to say, between these restless nights and having a newborn to tend to as well, I’m tired.

-- GreenMom

What’s in a Name

We had a rare afternoon of sunshine last week which meant that our neighborhood was busy with kids out riding bikes and enjoying the weather. One of my neighbors, who I think I have spoken to only three times ever, was out walking with her 2-year old daughter. She stopped by to say hello, and our daughters played with sidewalk chalk while we had a brief conversation. When it was time for them to continue on their walk she said to her daughter, “Give the chalk back to Auntie.” Auntie?!? Are we related? In all honesty, I’m not even sure I know this woman’s name!

Yesterday I was out with my co-worker and both of our kids. When speaking to her son she used “Mrs.” when she referred to me. Mrs?!?! It sounded so formal – especially for our casual outing.

This got me to thinking about the way children address adults these days. I don’t think I have used anything but first names when talking to my daughter about adults. She calls her teachers, all of our neighbors, my college friends and the parents of her friends at school all by their first names – unless she refers to them as Jane’s Mom or Eric’s Mom…literally. I suppose “Auntie” is an attempt at calling me something more personal, but I tend to feel it’s a name that should be reserved for just that, Aunties.

I want my daughter to “respect her elders” but I’d like to think that has more to do with behavior rather than names or titles alone. Can’t she still be respectful even if she calls them Paul and Lori?

-- Commuter Mom

Commuter Mom: The Dentist- Part I

Tomorrow is the big day, my daughter’s first dentist appointment. The hygienist recommended that we not make a big deal about it, so I haven’t really “talked it up” much; although, I did mention it when Elmo was on TV talking about his teeth, and I did tell her that she was going to the dentist this week and would get to choose a present from the dentist’s “prize closet” if she was a good girl. Here goes nothing.

Modern Mom: Not Nostalgic

Next week my son will finish first grade. As you might expect, I’m filled with an array of emotions: pride in his accomplishments, relief that we’ll have some breathing room from the school routine, and excitement for our summer plans, to name a few. But nowhere in my range of feelings is there sadness, not even a tiny twinge of anticipatory nostalgia. It wouldn’t even strike me that this might be a bit odd, if it weren’t for two people last week who told me how sad they were that the school year was coming to a close and that their kids would be moving on. One even told me that she was bawling on the last day of class. Am I missing a sensitivity chip? I’m the first to shed a tear over a Kodak commercial. I sobbed like the next person during Terms of Endearment. But I just can’t muster up any sadness over what I perceive to be a major accomplishment and an exciting milestone. Heart of stone or rose-colored glasses?

Commuter Mom: What grows on trees?!?!

How timely – Where Does Our Food Come From?

Just last week we were shopping at Whole Foods and stopped to look at the plants. One of them was a giant pot of lettuce; I pointed it out to my daughter who thought it was hysterical that I thought lettuce grew. At dinner last night we were looking at pictures from last summer and she thought I was joking when I pointed to peach trees.

Clearly we need to have some conversations about where food comes from! I’m not quite sure how I’m going to explain chicken nuggets…

New Mom: One Treat Too Many?

Six months ago, we implored my daughter to eat ice cream. Having just outgrown a milk allergy, she would not, and still will not, drink milk. She has also always measured around 5% on the weight charts. So we were advised to encourage her to eat any and all dairy in an effort to ensure she got the calcium and calories she needed. Everything from cheese to yogurt to smoothies was a challenge. But finally she caught on and is now a big ice cream fan. Given the contribution it makes to her dietary needs, I’ve never hesitated to offer her an ice cream on a special occasion or just to cap off a great day. But yesterday, a completely routine weekday, my husband took our daughter to the park around the corner to watch the kids playing little league. They encountered the ice cream truck, which is a permanent fixture at those baseball fields from June through September. Friends whose house borders the park told us that for years they convinced their son that it was just a “music truck” for fear he would beg for a treat every night. My daughter caught on a little faster (or maybe more likely, my husband wanted to treat her) and they came home with an ice cream concoction that was about three times the size of what I would ever serve her. She did dutifully eat some supper before she got her treat, and I was ultimately successful at convincing her to save some for the next night before she over gorged herself. But now that my daughter has discovered the joys of eating, I don’t want her to expect a treat every time we go to the park. And while I loved being able to offer the reward of an ice cream without guilt, I now think I have to come up with some non-food rewards. We’re using stickers for potty use, any other ideas out there?

Crib Notes: New Age Diapers

Pampers diapers have reached new levels! I was planning on using Pampers Swaddlers with baby #2 already. In fact, even before the baby was born, I bought a box of the newborn size. My hospital uses them too! You can imagine my surprise and delight when I quickly learned that the newborn size has a wetness indicator on them- a yellow line that turns to blue when baby has peed. There's no more guessing as to whether or not a cry is that of wetness and discomfort. Unbutton a couple buttons on the babies outfit and voila! You can see if your baby needs his/her diaper changed. One can only hope this feature soon becomes available in the larger sizes too!

Guest Mom: Lessons Learned

Like most moms, I believe I have an incredible daughter but have found juggling motherhood and working full-time to be very challenging. With my chatty 2 year old and a career I love, it’s hard to find a balance.

I had another difficult drop-off today with my daughter. Some days drop-off just seems to be so difficult for her. While talking to a co-worker, I told her how I felt like I was a bad parent for not having cleaner breaks in the morning. After all, it seems like all the other parents just do a quick drop-off and leave. She said to me “These are fleeting moments. Soon your daughter will be asking you to drop her off 3 blocks away from school so her friends don’t see you. Enjoy her clinginess as it won’t last long.” I’m trying to remind myself of that every day now.

New Mom: BFF

The term BFF – Best Friends Forever – and used primarily by young girls -- sounds so full of love and hope and optimism about the future. And yet to me, it always seems to scream of a blissful naiveté – those poor girls have no idea of what’s to come in the complex world of adolescent and then adult relationships. I myself moved three times before I was 6 years old, and have no regular friendships that stretch back beyond high school. I can’t even remember the names of more than one or two kids I went to elementary school with. But ever since my daughter started at Bright Horizons, I myself have been indulging in the BFF fantasy.

She has two friends, one girl and one boy, with whom she is so close that everyone knows they go together -- three peas in a pod, three musketeers. They were in the same infant room together and are in the same toddler class. They shriek with glee when they unexpectedly find each other on the sidewalk on the way into school; they talk about each other constantly; they find instant comfort in one another when they meet in a new or strange place for a playdate or birthday party. I’ve had the fantasy of my daughter and her little boy friend walking down the aisle together, their other friend as Maid of Honor. How nice that I already know and really like his parents, and hers too. It will make for such wonderful Thanksgivings once we’re all adults. But my dreams are crushed when I realize we live in three different towns and our little ones won’t go to school together. They’ll probably forget all about each other by the first grade and I’ll have to mourn the loss of the friendship all by myself. But I just met a dad whose daughter went to a Bright Horizons center near his wife’s office. He told me that his daughter made such good friends there, that they moved to that town to be closer to her friends (and theirs) and now, at the ripe old age of 6, she’s still BFFs with her Bright Horizons buddies. I love our town so do you think I can get the others to move? After all , it is a buyer’s market!

New Mom: Parents' Night Out

I am thrilled that our Bright Horizons Child Care Center has announced that it will be offering a “Parents’ Night Out” on the Friday before Valentine’s Day. I think it’s creative, thoughtful and sounds fun for my daughter. The problem is, I’m not sure I’m really going to do it. In short, they are offering child care from 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. on Friday night. They will serve dinner, get kids dressed in their pjs and have fun activities, all for a fee that is roughly equivalent to what I would pay for three hours of babysitting. But what to do with a 2-year-old daughter who never goes to bed after 8:15 p.m. at the absolute latest? They said they’d put younger children, or any others who want it, to bed on their nap mats earlier, if requested. But then I’d have to wake her to pick her up and take her home only to put her back to bed again. I’ve contemplated sending her for just the first hour or hour and a half to give her the change of pace of having dinner with her friends and teachers, which I think she might actually enjoy. But that would amount to a very expensive and brief Parents’ Night Out to the grocery store or some other mundane errand rather than the intended relaxing romantic dinner. I feel bad if I don’t support the center’s offering, because I really want them to know how much I appreciate it. On the other hand, I struggle with the fact that I just don’t think it’s the right fit for us this time around. I guess I hope there are many others who DO participate so that when our little one builds up the stamina to enjoy the occasional late night treat, they’re still offering it.

Commuter Mom: Daddy Day Care

My husband and I went out to dinner a few weeks ago with some friends. We were talking about what our weekend plans were and my husband’s response was, “I’m babysitting.” It was like nails on a chalkboard. Since when is spending the day with your own daughter while your wife is at a wedding shower considered babysitting? Does he expect to get paid? I would never say I was babysitting on the nights he goes out for BBQ with his friends. So, why didn’t he hesitate, and why didn’t anyone at the table question him on it?

I thought maybe it was just a “guy thing” but when I was on a business trip last week a colleague, who happens to be a woman, asked me if my mother was watching my daughter while I was away. This woman knows that I am married, she knows that my husband is at home. Why wouldn’t she assume that my daughter’s father is with her? I doubt anyone will ask my husband on his next business trip if Nana is watching his daughter…they’ll just assume it’s Mommy’s job.